Just arrived last night again from Vietnam after a week-long trip to work on a launch project for an airline company there. This explains my apparent absence from the blog for sometime now. Life had simply caught up with me as I tried to keep busy on “making a living”. Yes it takes so much more effort to “make” it when the very person who inspired you and moved you to be the best you can be is no longer there. I have to remind myself often that I still have Sam to live for. But while I’d do anything for our daughter, there are just it seems some things that could never be the same. Like, enjoying watching flower vendors in Hanoi’s picturesque streets and alluring parks.
I missed Mariel as I went through some small curio shops and art galleries in Pho Hang Trong street. These were those little things we did together when we were out on trips of “exploration”. These are now the little things that I tried doing but find to be somewhat pointless and uninspiring. I made sure however I brought home her favorite “fridge magnets” to add to her collection on our trusty ref. If truth be told too, I had actually found them before to be quite unattractive. Of course today I can only look at them with fondness and longing. I may even have a clue to why Mariel had collected them. Maybe perhaps, so that someday I can look at them again and re-live our lovely memories. I now would like to use them to remind Sam what a truly wonderful person her mother was. And how I had counted myself to be so lucky to have at some time shared browsing through those little curio shops with the most BEAUTIFUL person in the world.
Mariel, I love you. And I still miss you so very, very much.
Wikipedia defines Mariel as “a municipality and city in the La Habana Province of Cuba. It is located approximately 40 kilometers (25 mi) west of the city of Havana. . It’s the Cuban port nearest to the United States. It is also where “in 1980, some 125,000 Cubans left Mariel and went to the United States in what is known as the Mariel boatlift, when while many reached the USA, several died traveling through the ocean.” Famed American actress Mariel Hemingway was also named after this town by her also famous dad.
To many, “Mariel” would be quite simply another form of the name Mary. Of Dutch origin, it was said to mean “the perfect one” (how very apt). I’m afraid I never got around to asking her mom why she chose this name for my wife. In fact, I also did not know her as Mariel when I first got to talk to her. I actually knew her as “omni” and then “Gina” much later. (Yes, they are all her ‘names” too but I guess you have to read further in the blog to learn how this came to be)
To some, especially her siblings, cousins, nephews and nieces she was “Mar”, short for Mariel. (I guess they wanted something more endearing.) I even remember her nephews usually going to Tita Mar when they had something they wanted to ask from their own parents but were hesitant or too afraid to tell. She was their bridge, their confidant, their angel. She was “Mar” too to her most favorite cousin Annie who had spent hours with her on the phone talking about anything and everything. Mariel was always there for those who just needed to talk or plainly wanted a shoulder to cry on.
In my case, “Mariel”, among other things, meant guide and teacher. For she had made me realize that God, loved ones and family must come before self. Looking back, I feel so ashamed at my thoughtlessness then. Mariel had shown me that unconditional love was indeed possible. Not just with words, because I’ve been witness to how she had literally given up buying “things” for herself (even as she loved shopping) and instead devoted her life to unceasingly looking after the needs of our daughter and me. She was always caring. She was forever selfless and unassuming.
Then “Mariel” was “best friend” too. For we had shared everything. The ups and downs of life and raising a family. She was my greatest cheerleader. She encouraged me to explore the most “hare- brained” schemes because she believed in me, even if I myself had doubts. She was my critic too, when she saw sometimes that I may be heading towards the edge of the cliff. She’d advice me to “cut your losses” when it was very clear that I had reached a cul-de-sac. And she was always right. She was my “foil”, my teammate, the Ginger to my Fred. She made me whole and complete, that’s why I miss her so much.
Of course, Mariel or “Mommy” (as she wanted me to call her when Sam was just a baby to help her learn the word) will ALWAYS mean my one true love. My kind- hearted wife and soul mate. For while she had come unexpectedly into my life and left as suddenly, she had changed it positively forever and gave me HER greatest gift– our daughter Samantha. She was all the best things that I can only aspire to be.
I love you Mariel. You are the name that forever will be etched in my heart. Till me meet again, good night my sweet princess.
It’s been over five months now and I still miss you so badly. I promised myself not to keep count but what can I do, when I still think of you almost every minute of the day. You know I talk to you all the time and I’m very sorry to keep bothering you with my trivial issues. But I have had no one else since you left for God’s garden last September 20. And there’s so much more I wanted to say to you.
Most of all, I never had a chance to say good-bye properly. They had to let me leave the ICU at 11pm the night before and all I can do was to give you those little kisses on your feet. I was very afraid to give you ‘germs’ for I know they were giving you those immunosuppresants. Plus, I thought you really needed some rest. That’s why I can’t understand why I suddenly woke up at around 3:30 am with the very high fever and that bad case of gout. And how can I ever forget Alma (my sister) getting that fateful call at 430 am from the doctors telling her that they were administering CPR on you already. I was in shock to put it mildly and I wanted to rush down to the ICU to be with you. But I can’t even stand up. I wanted to be brave and be with you like you always wanted, but I just couldn’t walk. Was it God’s way of saving me from seeing you in such a desperate state? Alma told me later that you decided to “go” only when she told you that she will take care of Sam. And she has really delivered on that promise to this day. She truly loves Sam like her own but I still weep knowing Sam can no longer have your embrace. (It hurts now so much just thinking about this, Mommy. Please help me finish this post, it’s too painful.) And yes, I remember how peaceful you were when I was finally able to go down to see you (and kissed you once more) that day.
Sam misses you too very much, Mommy. But she would not talk about it much. She takes after you. But I guess you already know that. By the way, do you want me to bring her to the salon for a haircut? We’ve had some “spirited discussions” about getting it some days ago. Although I can’t believe how much she is starting to look like you, specially with the longer hair. She is as beautiful as I’ve always remembered you. And she has your “flawless” skin too. Don’t worry though as she is fine and is generally starting to “recover” from that little dip with her grades. She’s still number one in her class (I know you’ll hate me for writing this), that’s because she really takes after her smart and beautiful mom.I also got your little message the other time. I know you’re really always there for me, especially when I get those usual “setbacks’ at work. I’m still not 100% but I do try my very best for you. I know you want me to succeed in life for our daughter Sam and I promise not to fail you. (Even if it’s the last thing I do before my own exit) I still can’t do much traveling these days, although I really think I need to do it so I wont miss any of those opportunities in Thailand and Vietnam. Mama promised meanwhile to look after Sam whenever I’m away. Besides, school’s out in a few weeks. Don’t worry Mommy, it will just be for a couple of days at a time. I vow to make you proud of me again.
It’s kinda late and I also know you want me to go to sleep now. I will write again soon but then I hear you in my head all the time, so you know where to reach me (hehehe). Also, please keep “reminding” me if I sometimes “go astray”. After all, you’re my Guardian Angel now. And I ‘m very happy because not very many people get to call their angels by their first name. I miss you Mommy. Please stay “close” to me always. I also really look forward to that time when I can be with you again, “to love and to hold” forever. I love you so very, very much.
Good night Mommy.
With all my love,
Bong
P.S. Here’s a song I thought you might enjoy listening to before you sleep, ‘love you.
“Love is repaid by love alone” — St. Therese of the Child Jesus
I was with my daughter, Sam last night helping her with her “schoolwork’ when I came across this passage from the life of St. Therese of Liseux . And I had to tell her how this is something she must remember if she truly loved her mom. But that’s getting ahead of the story. So let me first describe how I got here.
You see, I have been agonizing these past few days over Mariel’s fate. I felt so sorry for her and can’t help but have feelings of deep regret over her unexpected passing. She was after all the one who kept a healthier lifestyle. She was even the better person. I was the one in line to go, having racked up all the bad medical stats over the years. I was the one whose passing would have had minimal impact on our family life. I would have gladly traded places anytime. I felt so bad. But the one that really hurt the most was that I never really got to say good-bye to her like I would have wanted. Yes, we did talk for days on end during her illness and I was the only one she wanted beside her 24/7. I was at times so physically and emotionally drained. I must even admit I wanted to”escape” from hospital- duty on some days. But then, I never saw it coming. I never really considered that she may possibly lose the battle. Not even when I was told that we may have to transfer to the ICU after just a week from being “admitted”.
I was prepared to fight on and stay in the hospital for as long as it took. But never once did I consider that things may turn out the way it did. I may not even be too sure that Mariel did either. Although looking back, I sensed a certain amount of “resignation” from Mariel during those last days. In fact, she looked to me as very brave and very in-control, that’s why I was never really worried. I remember her putting back her own ventilator tube after it once got “detached’ . My response was to jump up and down like a scared chicken while calling on the nurse.
Mariel was tough and from my perspective, she was the one even taking care of me.There was this time when I had asked her if she felt all right (stupid me) with all her tubes and needles at the ICU. And she had motioned to me to get a “whiteboard”. ( By now, she was already “intubated”, hooked to a respirator and thus cannot speak. So I had improvised this board and got her to scribble notes and instructions to me) At this point, she had chosen to write instead, “please pay the car insurance, its due tomorrow”. And God, I even found out later that she had been paying our household and utility bills through phone banking from her hospital bed. She was dutiful as she was loving. And she knew she had to take care of her “big baby”.
I was “happy” though to have told her the following as a last message through our whiteboard. I had found this one later on the hospital floor after it was “all over”. I will now keep it “preserved” for as long as I live. As there is nothing else in this world that I would have wanted her to know more than this one.
But as tears flowed again last night while doing Sam’s homework and having chanced upon these words from St. Therese, I had to remind myself and Sam that the only way for us to truly show our love to ‘Mommy” was to learn to now love back. As only love can repay the love we had received.To love and honor her memory. To love all the beautiful lessons she had shared with us. To love all the people and things she had cared for in life. To love and celebrate everything she stood for– love of family and friends, dutiful love… unconditional love.
Today being January 8, I thought that I might share some photos from our lovely Phuket, Thailand wedding some ten years ago. On this day we were married in a memorable Catholic ceremony midst the pristinely beautiful Promthep Cape near Nai Harn Beach. We had our civil wedding vows in the Philippines a few days back then flew to Thailand for this one. It was something that was surely made in Heaven. Mariel and I had our whole life ahead of us then and had many, many great dreams.
And I promise you now Mariel that I will try to achieve most of them for you and Sam. I hope I can make you proud on that day that we again meet. When once more I may have you “to love and to cherish”… forever. I love you Mommy.
We would not like the year end to pass without saying special thanks from our heart’s heart to everyone who have shared with us this our most difficult journey. Your visiting Mariel’s Garden has given us the strength to carry on living, even as its most precious part has now gone ahead of us to a much better place. To a place of beauty, peace and love which she had so very, very much deserved. We know Mariel is smiling from heaven and that she is thoroughly grateful for all your comfort and kindness.
Our everlasting thanks to our loving relatives and friends who have participated in the blog by sending comments or stories, our Mama Conchita, Alma and Baguie, Toots and Reuel, Mariel Bello (our niece in LA ), Annie Vicente, Ate Gertie and Margie, Joy and Charles Davy, Albert and Susie Borrero, Bob and Monet Santos, Doris Fernando- McLaren, Vincent Dy Buncio, Edsel and Sara Tolentino. Joy Lorico, Grace Villanueva, Hedy Taas, Claire Espina, Wally and Charito Buhay, Felix Santos, Monser, Mana, Malyn, Agie, Jex N., Sue Trout, Annalyn Minerva, Sansan Salud, Michelle Hay and Dr. Sally Headding.
Of course, our deep gratitude to our new blogger friends who have helped us understand the true meaning of unconditional love– Linda of Mysteryoriley, Robert of Price of Love, Writinggb of Writing Grandma’s Book and Fighting Windmills. We wish them all the happiness and peace and hope they continue their good and important work.
A Happy New Year to everyone. With all our love — from Mariel. Bong and Sam.
December 15, 2007 was the red-letter day for Mariel. She had looked forward to seeing Sam perform as Annie in her school community theater (Assumption METTA). Sam was playing “Annie” in Annie the Musical. Unfortunately as most of you already know Mariel had to leave us to join our Lord Jesus in heaven last Sept. 20, 2007.
Sam’s performance last night, more than anything was a tribute to her mommy’s love. For Mariel had brought up Sam to work on her gifts and to share them with others, just as she did. Mariel was a giving person and last night was Sam’s turn to give a little back to her beloved Mommy. I know Mariel would have been very proud and happy to see Sam’s rendition of Annie at Assumption. I know she was with us. I had reserved a seat beside me for her at the theater. As usual, it’s one with the best view. For the best mom in the whole wide world.
We miss you so much Mommy and we love you forever. — Daddy and Sam
I’ll stick to the Top Twenty favorite things of Mariel. Sorry, can’t keep it to just 10. By the way, I’m doing this for the most part so that our Sam will someday remember what her mom was like– a superbly talented and loving person who could have been anything she wanted to be. But chose instead to devote her life to caring for our only daughter and me. She was a one-of- a- kind mother and wife. I really hope many more people could have known her.
Back to the list, I’m sure I’ll miss a couple, so friends please help me out. Add those you might recall. ( This one’s not in any particular order. I’m just putting them up as I get to remember them )
1. Anything in the color violet, lilac or purple- this applies to almost everything from clothes, bags, umbrellas, decor, eye makeup, electric fans and coffee mugs. A color fit for royalty, a color fit for my princess.
2. Brad Pitt and Meryl Streep- This one’s contributed by Sam. She had asked her mom to fill up her diary with her list of favorite things just last July. I often kidded Mariel that I myself kinda look like Brad. She cringed a lot. I saw however a lot of Meryl’s “sympathetic” eyes in her. Mariel was best described as one who’s very soft-hearted.
3. Leather Bags- She was famous for having impeccably matched bags with her attire. She asked me to get her some during trips abroad. Laptop bags, leisure bags, handbags, she’s got it all. I’d say she had enough to match Imelda’s collection. (Sorry Mariel just kidding)
4. Shoes of all shapes- Of course what good are nice bags without nice shoes. Mariel made frequent trips to CMG et al and always had an eye for coming sale events. She can write a book about this. I must admit she’s got taste and the best legs and feet in the world to boot. I swear.
5. Clothes, clothes, clothes- Clothes were her passion too. She was once considering to put up a boutique that catered to children’s clothes. She’s got talent and the knowledge for this. I know she would have done very well.
6. Spaghetti, T-bone steak, Nuts, Tibuk- tibok, Mango and Pomelo- Food glorious food. I must explain, tibuk- tibok is the kapampangan version of maja blanca, a pudding- like dessert made with carabao’s milk. And also spaghetti is best from Pancake House and T- bone at medium well. “Mangan naka”.
7. Floral- scented perfumes- The “flavor of the month” was Estee Lauder’s Pleasures Intense eau de parfum spray for women. It’s website described it as “seductive, extremely lush floral, with low notes of vanilla and maple”. Of course Mariel shared the love by getting me a matching Pleasures Intense for men. Lately however, I’ll find myself spraying a bit of her fave scent just to trigger memories. Oh Mommy, I miss you so.
8. Literature, Poetry- She liked Shakespearean sonnets, Jeffrey Archer despite his bad political choices and just about any printed matter. She taught Sam the value of reading books, and that’s why she does very well in school. Of course, this is also probably the reason why Mariel wrote well. Please check out “In Mariel’s Words” category in this blog for examples of this.
9.Text and Email jokes- She had a good sense of humor (not like me). She sent me txt jokes on my mobile phone and email jokes too. She sent one to me the day before we went to the hospital. It was about being married and stuff. That one stays in my Inbox forever.
10. Leg and Foot Massages- I gave her these as often as I can, to relax her or put her to sleep. I wish I had done more.
11. Home Decorating and Crafts- She was truly amazing at this work. I had mentioned before how well she had ran our household. She kept a spotlessly clean and beautiful home that is truly worthy of a place in “Homes and Gardens”. She had a knack for eclectic matchings and was fearless with colors and prints. She also did a couple of papier tole art that will always be part of our bedroom.
12. Sinatra, Broadway, Classical music- Ol’ Blue eyes rules. Sinatra was always on heavy CD rotation. Mariel loved the romantic era. That’s why she applauded when Rod Stewart made the wise “move” and Buble etc. She also had complete Broadway original cast recordings of all the great ones. She had the biggest influence on Sam’s musical theater leanings and abilities.
13. Fresh Flowers- I could never devote enough space for her love of flowers. Stargazers, Tulips, Mums, Roses that made her day. Now I had set up a crusade to always honor her love for God’s beautiful creations.
14. Children and Cute babies- Mariel loved children and children loved her back. I was really amazed at how she was always the favorite of her little nieces and nephews. She connected with them in a genuine way and was often rewarded with sincere hugs and kisses.
15. Lifestyle Channel, Wolfgang Puck, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Project Runway- Mariel spent time relaxing keeping the cable on the Lifestyle Channel. After all beautiful things are her dedication. She may love a little bit of the “tsismis” in some of the reality shows too. Who doesn’t?
16. CSI- Crime Scene Investigation, the series was her absolute TV favorite. She even got the DVDs before they hit Metrowalk. Las Vegas was tops, then New York and Miami. She however could not stand usual trite remarks written for the lead actor in the LV episodes.
17. Soft pillows and snuggling on cold December mornings- Look I love them too. But Mariel just loved being in bed with us on cold mornings talking of our dreams for Sam. I miss this a lot, she was my anchor and my compass. I still feel lost today.
18. Crash Bandicoot, Tetris and Super Mario- Even before I met her Mariel was already the Super Mario champion of Mandaluyong. When she was heavy with Sam, she spent hours on end mastering PlayStation’s Crash Bandicoot. Which she actually did. Mariel excelled in anything she puts her mind into.
19. Jewelry- Who would not want some diamonds. Unfortunately, I gave her teeny- weeny ones for our “wedding engagement”. Pearls too were her love. She wore them almost daily at work. She always told me that she was “collecting” these for Sam. She told me this two weeks before she passed away. Her most precious one however, was our simple gold wedding band which was never off her till the last. That says a lot to me.
20. 9- ball pool and Efren “Bata” Reyes- One would have never thought this. She never played the game but loved following Efren’s battles on ESPN. It again showed that side of her that loved to cheer for the underdog. She was always all heart.
( I will end tonight with Efren’s youtube clip of one of his “magical” pool shots that Mariel and I had watched so many times. I’m sure Mariel’s watching now. I love you Mommy, Good Night. )
Today, December 8 is Mama’s Birthday. Mama is none other than my mother, Concepcion “Conchita” Bello, of course Mariel’s “favorite” mother-in-law. (The “favorite” part is a private joke between them and is maybe worth telling one of these days). You know, “Mama” was more than an “in-law” to Mariel. She had in fact considered Mama as her own mother, especially when her own ‘mommy’ passed away a few years ago. Any happy news or event was never complete without her being able to share it with Mama. Mariel never failed to call Mama on the phone “to report” whenever Sam had received some notable commendation in school. More than that, she was also Mama’s “personal fashion consultant” and was always asked to tag along numerous clothes-shopping trips to give that all-important “second opinion”. As far as I can recall, except for a few awkward moments when Mariel and I were newly-weds, the two of them always got along very well. They oftentimes literally provided stereo- channel “critiques” of my many, many bad business moves. Even “conspiring” to keep me off my beloved high- cholesterol diet. They loved each other genuinely. That’s why I ended up loving them both doubly.
I’m sure Mariel would have been first to greet Mama a happy birthday today. So I had decided to share with you a short tribute which Mariel read to Mama two years ago on the occasion of her 70th Birthday. So, to Mama, this one’s for you. Always remember that we all love you always and that we appreciate much how you have constantly looked after us even to this day. Happy Birthday Mama! (To our international readers, please bear with the many expressions in our Filipino language. We will try to translate some these for you sometime. The article was never really intended to be shared with a wider audience but we thought it may be a fitting tribute today to these two exceptional women.)
CONCEPCION VENTURINA BELLO- A WOMAN FOR ALL SEASONS By: Mariel Gina F. Bello
Why do I call her a woman for all seasons?Well it’s because she’ll always there for us in all seasons of our lives and when I speak of “us”, I am referring not only to us her children but to everybody else in this room and even to those who could not be with us tonight.
She is there in the spring of our lives, when we feel happy or excited about something, when we are about to embark on something new, whether a job, the coming of a new member of the family- a baby or a spouse or a new suitor maybe- we always felt the need to share the news and the events with her. We are happy to share this feeling with her because she genuinely shares the feeling – “kinikilig” din siya pag may bagong suitor and sometimes even acts as a matchmaker.
She is there in the summer of our lives. When we are at the height of our career, when we do well in school or business or simply running the household and taking care of the family well, she’s always there to congratulate us and tell us we’re doing a fine job.She basks in our glory and is eager to tell everybody of our achievements.. It is not uncommon for us to hear her say, “heto ang manugang kong cardiologist”, or ang apo kongpinakamarunong sa klase, ang kapatid kong director sa ATO, etc.,etc.
She is there in the autumn of our lives. When things and situations are not going our way, she is there to listen to our woes and drama sa buhay. Daig pa niya si tiya Dely sa dami ng problemang narinig niya and sa dami ng taong pinayuhan niya. When we’re sick, una pa natin siyang tinatawagan kaysa sa doctor. Well of course lately, humina ang practice niya kasi may ka-compitensya na siya na talagang doctor. But if you shoud see her, murmuring on the phone – it just means nagpre-prescribe na naman siya pero mahina lang kasi baka marinig ni Baguie.Para ka na ring pumunta sa doctor kasi tatanungin ka muna ng symptoms, then kung kailan nag start, ilang araw na. The dun pa lang siya magpre-prescribe. Minsan, pag sinuswerte ka, may libre pang gamotang consultation. If being a full-fledged doctor were only based on the number of testimonies ng napagaling niya, eh matagal na natin siyang dapat na tinawag na doktora.
And finally, she is there in the winter of our lives. When things are really looking bleak and there is no where else to go, she joins us in our prayers for whatever is ailing us. She is there to console, to listen, to lend a shoulder to cry on. She helps in whatever way she can. She is incomparable sa tiyaga niyang magbantay sa ospital ng maghapon, sa pakikiramay sa namatayan, or in just simply visiting a brother to offer companionship.
She is a woman for all seasons because she too had gone through and weathered the best springs and worst winters one can go through. Some of her best springs were when she was hailed as one ofIsabela’s budding beauties- of course with brains to boot and when she had her three children, Bong, Toots and Alma.
All of us know that her worst winter is when Papa had a stroke and she was tasked to care and provide for the entire family. She was a plain housewife with no job, with a husband to take care of and 3 children to send to school. I f she were made of lesser stuff, she would have succumbed to self-pity and would not have known what to do. But God in his infinite wisdom knew that He can give this woman her cross because He had blessed her with an indomitable spirit. Mama had to go on and go on she did. She used her gift of gab to sell jewelry. She was a very good salesperson, might even make you buy bridge from her (joke lang). But seriously, she managed to keep house and provide for her family’s needs through sheer determination and a lot of prayers. To this day, she tells me na napalaki niya sila Bong na hindi nanghihingi kahit kanino. Her children turned out to be responsible, decent and kind individuals who can only wish to emulate her ways in raising their own families.
They say that when one marries, she marries not only her husband but his entire family as well. I am glad to belong to this family and am happier to have mama as a mother-in-law. At first, I was a bit apprehensive because of what she might think of me. Will I be good enough for her Bong? At first, I thought that nobody will, in her eyes, be good enough for her favorite son. But that was in the beginning when we didn’t know each other well and nangangapa pa kami pareho. But as time went by, I found out she can be the kind of mother-in-law that a daughter-in-law can treat like her very own mother. Oh di ba mama, ako ang favorite mong manugang, may kadugtong nga lang, favorite na manugang na babae dito sa Pilipinas (as if meron pang iba na ganun ang description). Just shows you how wacky and witty she can be. I love watching her in parties, being the center of attention, telling stories, nagpapatawa. Bong, noticing that I have been looking would tell me, O si mama, bumabangka na naman. She really is in her element during such gatherings.
I have lost my mommy last year and I still miss her a lot. But what eases the pain is knowing I still have a mama here with me who treats me like her very own. Mama, there were times that I know that you feel na parang we do not mind you as much but please know that we may not say it often, but deep in our hearts “WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH”. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE WOMAN FOR ALL SEASONS AND FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS.
Mariel’s passing had made me think more and more about life, and life-after- life. While I believe that Mariel is now in a really special place with the Lord, in moments of weakness, the fragile human part of me still craves for some certainty. Certainty that Mariel is now free from any more fear, any more pain ( as I’ll do anything to “protect” her). That she is finally getting her “reward”, for having given so much of herself to others, especially to me and our daughter, Sam. That one day I will see her again, to embrace and to hold, and share her love through eternity.
I came across this short video piece from Dr. Wayne Dyer which talks about “Life after Birth” or the triumph of spirit over life. I hope it speaks to you too like it did to me, that life-after-life indeed is just a transition to something so wonderful and great. And so beyond any kind of happiness we can ever possibly imagine because of our “limited” point of view.
